Missing pieces

I remember why I wanted to start this blog. After spending hours googling the internet about agenesis of the corpus callosum I was exhausted and felt lost, then my sister sent me a link to a blog and it was my saving grace. I read about this family for hours and was even lucky enough to find out about support groups on Facebook which I am now a part of. I decided shortly after that I would write my own blog. Every week I would discuss my son with ACC and the struggles and the triumphant that we went through. I would post about his doctors visits, his visits with the specialist, the test they run, physical, occupational and speech therapy appointments. I would be detailed and even answer questions from others going through the same situation. I felt like this was the reason why my son was going through this so I could help others. Then our baby was born and he was perfect. Yes, he was completely missing his corpus callosum and would need to be followed by doctors, specialists and early intervention but the fears about raising a child with "missing pieces" were gone. 

Here I am 7 months later and have not yet wrote one entry, because he's doing amazing! He's meeting all his milestones and though we have been seen by neurology and early intervention everything has been great! I am sure it would be the most boring blog ever.

What I wasn't expecting was all the struggles I would face with my toddler. Doing all the time I was researching about my unborn child I also noticed that our 2 year old was regressing. He stopped saying words and singing and he started grunting and doing a lot of odd behaviors and increase tantrums. My concerns were quickly quieted down stating that it was due to my pregnancy and he would be fine soon. It wasn't fine and the struggles continued. I finally had him evaluated and received an answer, one that I didn't want to hear. The therapist said, "Your son needs to be evaluated by a developmental pediatrician to confirm but we believe that he's on the autism spectrum." I honestly don't recall much of what was said next, I was devastated by the news. I again went to google to research and spoke with friends who's children have also been diagnosed to get an idea of what to expect, yet everyone's journey is different.  We go through challenges everyday, some days tougher than others and he gets help from the state too. He started with early intervention therapy 4 days a week and now goes to a special preschool delay program 5 full days a week. Some days I see great things, he signs more and repeats 2 word phrase. Yet, I have days when he's having a tough time that I just want my baby back. The little boy that knew all his body parts in English and Spanish, the one who would say "lets go" when he was done, and yell "Hay Dios mío!" at his abuela. That's my baby where did he go?! 

It sometimes hurts to know that he too is "missing pieces". 

I'm not sure yet what I want to say or what I want to write about it. Should I speak about the wonders of being a mother of three and the struggles of having 2 children in a special category. The faith in God that we will overcome it all. The tough days when my 3 year old grunts repeatedly trying to get me to understand even though he knew that word an hour ago. Or just randomly things about everything that makes me, me and my family us, talk about our missing pieces.